on deserving

i have always believed that we get what we deserve, some times more-sometimes less and we learn to make peace with whatever we have. and i have believed that if i dont get it today, i will get it when the time is right. but then believing is so far removed from the real world. here belief doesnt really have too much place and it hardly guarantees for anything. everyone tell me 'believing in oneself' is the most powerful weapon, especially coupled with the power of prayer. but where do i bracket my belief in the real world, i am so desperate to find a place where it really happens, where belief works.
i know i sound pessimistic, cus i am in that frame of mind right now. today my faith in believing in myself is shaken. i have doubts in my mind about my talent. my confidence is shaken because hard work, sincerity and dedication have been overlooked and i am saddened by the thought of the future. especially, after dreams are dolled out and then snatched away in a single stroke. my faith in believing in myself is shaken. and this pessimissim is shrinking too many times into my thought process, and my belief in my self is shrinking and escapping into the dark annals of my mind that i am not sure that i will be able to rescue it.
i know should bide by my time. but that comes only through belief, not only my own belief but the belief of others in me...that i cannot see. i just wish something nice would come my way. i used to be an eternal optimist and its been weeks now and i havent smiled...